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Everybody Loves Raymond

Quotes/Ray

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Here is a list of memorable quotes from Ray.

Season 1Edit

"I think I'm having sex. Oh, good old sex. I'm gonna do new stuff."
Ray [src]
Bernie: "I gotta take this test! I just hope I'm stupid enough."
Ray: "Don't worry."
Bernie and Ray talking about Robert's IQ test [src]
"Mmmm, fudgy."
Ray describing chocolate ice cream [src]
Debra: "It's like It's a Wonderful Life. There's no Debra."
Ray: "Well then it's not a wonderful life, is it."
Ray and Debra [src]
Debra: "Listen, just stir those onions, would you? Not too fast, not too fast! You're crushing the skins."
Ray: "Oh, you're reminding me that the Cowboys are crushing the Skins right now."
Debra and Ray on Thanksgiving Day [src]
Ray: "Ally? She knocked down a boy?"
Debra: "A big guy. She, like, gave him this hip check like Mark Messier."
Ray and Debra [src]
Debra: "A beautiful famous skater has just told you how much she loves your work. What can be better than that?"
Ray: "I could be single."
Debra and Ray talking about Katarina Witt [src]
Ray: "Honey, this is Marv Albert."
Debra: "Yes!"
Ray and Debra, with Debra imitating Marv Albert [src]
"Robert loved that dog. He named him Shamsky, after his favorite ball player."
Ray talking about Robert and Shamsky Number 1 [src]
"You're talking about the noise. The car alarm, the buzz saw, my mom..."
Ray addressing the neighbors [src]
Priest: "Your parents are Frank and Marie Barone?"
Ray: "Yes!"
Priest: "You're absolved."
Priest and Ray [src]
Dr. Nora: "So Ray, what's it like having three children under the age of 5?"
Ray: "Well, I like to tell people it's kinda like a frat house. Yeah. Nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up."
Dr. Nora and Ray [src]
"Am I a man or what?!"
Ray when he finds out Debra is pregnant with twin boys [src]

Season 2Edit

Marie: "Ray, we told you you were a good writer so that you would think you were a good writer. See, then somebody gave you a job. That's what parents do, they all lie to their kids for their own good."
Ray: "But other parents aren't lying, Ma. They believe in their children."
Marie: "No they don't."
Marie and Ray [src]
Ray: "Look, you have to do what mommy says."
Ally: "Why?"
Ray: "'Cause I do."
Ray and Ally [src]
Marie: "You know, without discipline, Mozart would have been one of those bang-ganging rapsters."
Ray: "Snoop Motzy Mozart."
Marie and Ray [src]
Ray: "After golfing, uh, we were in the locker room and I got this weird feeling."
Debra: "Oh. Ray, you are not gay."
Ray: "No, I know. You told me that, but this was something else."
Ray and Debra [src]
"Did you just have sex with me because my mother told you to? Eeeeewwwwww!!"
Ray [src]
Robert: "Ya know, I could've been a pretty good hockey player. You know, big, had the toughness, good hand-eye coordination."
Ray: "Yeah but, eventually, you would've had to let go of the side."
Robert and Ray [src]
Robert: "I'll call you if there are any fights."
Ray: "I may be calling you."
Robert and Ray watching hockey before an inevitable argument with Debra [src]
Debra: "The good news is you don't have to worry about this for a year."
Ray: "No, no. You know nothing about worry. It's not that I don't have to worry for a year. It's that I have a year to worry."
Debra and Ray [src]
Scott Preman: "Didn't you have bio class with her junior year?"
Ray: "Yeah. We had dissection. I pinned her frog open."
Scott Preman and Ray talking about Jessica Bell [src]
Frank: "My feet are killing me. I think these boots are a size too small. Tell me, what's it say on the bottom of my right boot?"
Ray: "Left."
Frank and Ray [src]
Anna: "Well, my grandfather used to talk about this sardine packer, and when he came to America, he just called himself Barone. Stole our name."
Ray: "Sounds like us."
Anna and Ray talking about the Barone family history [src]
Ray: "Health Department."
Nemo: "That ain't funny, Raymond!"
Ray and Nemo [src]
Andy: "First, you gotta take last month's ending balance, then you add the interest accrued on the account. Then you add all the checks that we know have cleared, and then you subtract that number from... Ray, what did I just say to you?"
Ray: "Accrued."
Andy and Ray trying to figure out the Barones' finances [src]
Debra: "That smell. You burned the popcorn again, didn't you?"
Ray: "Well, that's an easy one. Now try and guess what I spilled."
Debra and Ray [src]
Ray: "It was nothing. I ran over one of those orange cones, that's all."
Frank: "Tell her why."
Ray: "I don't remember, Dad."
Frank: "I remember. I was there. It had something to do with a halter top."
Ray and Frank telling Debra about a traffic ticket [src]
Debra: "So you just ride around looking for naked."
Ray: "Well if it won't come to me..."
Debra and Ray [src]
Ray: "All I need is another quarter-inch."
Gianni: "Who doesn't?"
Ray and Gianni, with Ray referring to his height [src]
Warren: "Hello there, son-in-law."
Ray: "Hello there...you."
Warren and Ray [src]
Ray: "Hey, Uncle Mel. How are you?"
Uncle Mel: "I'm good. You look like a bus toilet."
Ray and Uncle Mel [src]

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