Here is a list of memorable quotes from Season 1.
- "Debra, I brought you some baking soda for your fridge. I smelled something questionable."
- Marie: "That's an award your brother got for his sports column."
- Robert: "Never ends for Raymond. Everybody loves Raymond. I go to work, people shoot at me. Ray goes to work, people do the wave."
- "I can't talk! There's too much fruit in the house!"
I Love YouEdit
I Wish I Were GusEdit
- Bernie: "I gotta take this test! I just hope I'm stupid enough."
- Ray: "Don't worry."
Look Don't TouchEdit
- Debra: "It's like It's a Wonderful Life. There's no Debra."
- Ray: "Well then it's not a wonderful life, is it."
Frank, the WriterEdit
Your Place or Mine?Edit
- "I've got the complete works of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Except the one where he gets pregnant."
- Lois: "We're going to Vietnam."
- Frank: "Vietnam?! What, do you owe Charlie some payback?"
- Warren: "How's police work treating you?"
- Robert: "Well, ya know, one day you're rescuing a puppy and the next day you're fishing a skull out of a toilet."
Win, Lose or DrawEdit
- Marie: "If you don't give Ray his money, you're not the man I married."
- Frank: "I win again."
Turkey or FishEdit
- Debra: "Listen, just stir those onions, would you? Not too fast, not too fast! You're crushing the skins."
- Ray: "Oh, you're reminding me that the Cowboys are crushing the Skins right now."
- Mel: "Fred and Bishop are parking the car."
- Debra: "Fred and Bishop?"
- Mel: "They're friends of mine. We're not gay."
- Ray: "Ally? She knocked down a boy?"
- Debra: "A big guy. She, like, gave him this hip check like Mark Messier."
- Robert: "I bet you can't even name the reindeer."
- Frank: "Oh, uh, Rudolph, Donner, Blitzen... Those are the main ones."
- "Most of the women I talk to are in handcuffs. And then half of them turn out to be men."
- Marie: "We haven't had a conversation in 35 years."
- Frank: "I didn't want to interrupt."
- "I don't like games. Follow the rules, pay attention, wait your turn... It's just like work dressed up like play."
- Debra: "A beautiful famous skater has just told you how much she loves your work. What can be better than that?"
- Ray: "I could be single."
- Ray: "Honey, this is Marv Albert."
- Debra: "Yes!"
- "Robert loved that dog. He named him Shamsky, after his favorite ball player."
- "You're talking about the noise. The car alarm, the buzz saw, my mom..."
- Priest: "Your parents are Frank and Marie Barone?"
- Ray: "Yes!"
- Priest: "You're absolved."
- Dr. Nora: "So Ray, what's it like having three children under the age of 5?"
- Ray: "Well, I like to tell people it's kinda like a frat house. Yeah. Nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up."
- "Way back when I was doing PR for a hockey team...and I know what you're gonna say: "Oh! A woman in hockey?" But actually, um, it wasn't as, um, well... I'm not sure if that's the, uh, information you're looking for. Would you like me to get right to our sex life?"