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Here is a list of memorable quotes from Season 1.

PilotEdit

"Debra, I brought you some baking soda for your fridge. I smelled something questionable."
Marie [src]
Marie: "That's an award your brother got for his sports column."
Robert: "Never ends for Raymond. Everybody loves Raymond. I go to work, people shoot at me. Ray goes to work, people do the wave."
Marie and Robert [src]
"I think I'm having sex. Oh, good old sex. I'm gonna do new stuff."
Ray [src]
"Holy crap!"
Frank [src]
"I can't talk! There's too much fruit in the house!"
Marie complaining about the Fruit of the Month Club [src]

I Love YouEdit

"Stupid stinkin' hump!"
Frank [src]

I Wish I Were GusEdit

"Can Hitler have a juice box?"
Frank referring to Geoffrey's fake mustache [src]

Standard DeviationEdit

Bernie: "I gotta take this test! I just hope I'm stupid enough."
Ray: "Don't worry."
Bernie and Ray talking about Robert's IQ test [src]
"Mmmm, fudgy."
Ray describing chocolate ice cream [src]

Look Don't TouchEdit

Debra: "It's like It's a Wonderful Life. There's no Debra."
Ray: "Well then it's not a wonderful life, is it."
Ray and Debra [src]
"Geez-a-loo."
Frank [src]

Frank, the WriterEdit

"Why are we hiding today, Ray?"
Debra [src]

Your Place or Mine?Edit

"I've got the complete works of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Except the one where he gets pregnant."
Frank [src]

In-LawsEdit

Lois: "We're going to Vietnam."
Frank: "Vietnam?! What, do you owe Charlie some payback?"
Lois and Frank [src]
Warren: "How's police work treating you?"
Robert: "Well, ya know, one day you're rescuing a puppy and the next day you're fishing a skull out of a toilet."
Warren and Robert [src]

Win, Lose or DrawEdit

Marie: "If you don't give Ray his money, you're not the man I married."
Frank: "I win again."
Marie and Frank discussing his poker winnings [src]

Turkey or FishEdit

Debra: "Listen, just stir those onions, would you? Not too fast, not too fast! You're crushing the skins."
Ray: "Oh, you're reminding me that the Cowboys are crushing the Skins right now."
Debra and Ray on Thanksgiving Day [src]
Mel: "Fred and Bishop are parking the car."
Debra: "Fred and Bishop?"
Mel: "They're friends of mine. We're not gay."
Mel and Debra [src]

Captain NemoEdit

Ray: "Ally? She knocked down a boy?"
Debra: "A big guy. She, like, gave him this hip check like Mark Messier."
Ray and Debra [src]

The BallEdit

Robert: "I bet you can't even name the reindeer."
Frank: "Oh, uh, Rudolph, Donner, Blitzen... Those are the main ones."
Robert and Frank [src]

Debra's SickEdit

"I'm here, don't worry!"
Marie [src]

Who's Handsome?Edit

"Most of the women I talk to are in handcuffs. And then half of them turn out to be men."
Robert [src]

The CarEdit

"Is this about me?"
Robert [src]

DiamondsEdit

"Yeah, it's all about you, Raymond."
Robert [src]

The GameEdit

Marie: "We haven't had a conversation in 35 years."
Frank: "I didn't want to interrupt."
Marie and Frank [src]
"I don't like games. Follow the rules, pay attention, wait your turn... It's just like work dressed up like play."
Frank [src]

Recovering PessimistEdit

Debra: "A beautiful famous skater has just told you how much she loves your work. What can be better than that?"
Ray: "I could be single."
Debra and Ray talking about Katarina Witt [src]
Ray: "Honey, this is Marv Albert."
Debra: "Yes!"
Ray and Debra, with Debra imitating Marv Albert [src]

The DogEdit

"Robert loved that dog. He named him Shamsky, after his favorite ball player."
Ray talking about Robert and Shamsky Number 1 [src]

NeighborsEdit

"You're talking about the noise. The car alarm, the buzz saw, my mom..."
Ray addressing the neighbors [src]
Priest: "Your parents are Frank and Marie Barone?"
Ray: "Yes!"
Priest: "You're absolved."
Priest and Ray [src]

Fascinatin' DebraEdit

Dr. Nora: "So Ray, what's it like having three children under the age of 5?"
Ray: "Well, I like to tell people it's kinda like a frat house. Yeah. Nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up."
Dr. Nora and Ray [src]
"Way back when I was doing PR for a hockey team...and I know what you're gonna say: "Oh! A woman in hockey?" But actually, um, it wasn't as, um, well... I'm not sure if that's the, uh, information you're looking for. Would you like me to get right to our sex life?"
Debra trying to get Dr. Nora's attention [src]

Why Are We Here?Edit

"Am I a man or what?!"
Ray when he finds out Debra is pregnant with twin boys [src]

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