Here is a list of memorable quotes from Season 2.

Ray's on TVEdit

Marie: "Ray, we told you you were a good writer so that you would think you were a good writer. See, then somebody gave you a job. That's what parents do, they all lie to their kids for their own good."
Ray: "But other parents aren't lying, Ma. They believe in their children."
Marie: "No they don't."
Marie and Ray [src]
"I could've eaten a box of Alpha-Bits and crapped a better interview."
Frank [src]
"So, Kevin does the play-by-play for the Mets, and I'm just his humpback stat guy."
Andy [src]

Father Knows LeastEdit

Ray: "Look, you have to do what mommy says."
Ally: "Why?"
Ray: "'Cause I do."
Ray and Ally [src]


"You know what I did to Mom today? I got into the Sucrets drawer... I put more in."
Robert [src]


Marie: "You know, without discipline, Mozart would have been one of those bang-ganging rapsters."
Ray: "Snoop Motzy Mozart."
Marie and Ray [src]
"Come on, Shamsky. Let's go scratch."
Robert [src]


Ray: "After golfing, uh, we were in the locker room and I got this weird feeling."
Debra: "Oh. Ray, you are not gay."
Ray: "No, I know. You told me that, but this was something else."
Ray and Debra [src]
"Did you just have sex with me because my mother told you to? Eeeeewwwwww!!"
Ray [src]


"Here's the ointment I borrowed. I don't know what happened to the applicator."
Robert [src]

Working Late AgainEdit

Robert: "Ya know, I could've been a pretty good hockey player. You know, big, had the toughness, good hand-eye coordination."
Ray: "Yeah but, eventually, you would've had to let go of the side."
Robert and Ray [src]
Robert: "I'll call you if there are any fights."
Ray: "I may be calling you."
Robert and Ray watching hockey before an inevitable argument with Debra [src]

The Children's BookEdit

"I hate this freakin' bunny!"
Debra referring to the character she created for a children's book [src]

The GiftEdit

Ally: "Can we name them?"
Frank: "Yeah. Let's call these two Lee and Stan, and that big one with its mouth open we'll call Marie."
Ally and Frank naming the fish in the tank [src]
Debra: "The good news is you don't have to worry about this for a year."
Ray: "No, no. You know nothing about worry. It's not that I don't have to worry for a year. It's that I have a year to worry."
Debra and Ray [src]

High SchoolEdit

Scott Preman: "Didn't you have bio class with her junior year?"
Ray: "Yeah. We had dissection. I pinned her frog open."
Scott Preman and Ray talking about Jessica Bell [src]
"No, I've never ruptured my booty. One time I did sprain my groove thang."
Debra discussing her love of dancing [src]

The LetterEdit

Gianni: "Mrs. Barone, I don't know what's in this dip, but if you weren't married..."
Frank: "Take her. I'll throw in the dip."
Gianni and Frank [src]
Debra: "Marie, I'm sure Ray's friends aren't interested in Tupperware."
Andy: "Actually, I could use some new ice trays. My cubes smell."
Debra and Andy [src]
"What in hell's bathroom was that?"
Frank [src]

All I Want for ChristmasEdit

"I'm the wrong guy to talk to about women. Even my fantasies just want to be friends."
Andy [src]

Civil WarEdit

Frank: "My feet are killing me. I think these boots are a size too small. Tell me, what's it say on the bottom of my right boot?"
Ray: "Left."
Frank and Ray [src]

Mia FamigliaEdit

"And just because I was never married doesn't mean I'm gay."
Uncle Mel [src]
"Holy crap."
Zia Sarina [src]
Anna: "Well, my grandfather used to talk about this sardine packer, and when he came to America, he just called himself Barone. Stole our name."
Ray: "Sounds like us."
Anna and Ray talking about the Barone family history [src]

Marie's MeatballsEdit

"You're so busy defending your saint of a mother, that you make me out to be some kind of ungrateful nutcase!"
Debra yelling at Ray [src]

The CheckbookEdit

Ray: "Health Department."
Nemo: "That ain't funny, Raymond!"
Ray and Nemo [src]
Andy: "First, you gotta take last month's ending balance, then you add the interest accrued on the account. Then you add all the checks that we know have cleared, and then you subtract that number from... Ray, what did I just say to you?"
Ray: "Accrued."
Andy and Ray trying to figure out the Barones' finances [src]

The Ride-AlongEdit

"No getaway car. Got no friends?"
Judy insulting a criminal [src]

The Family BedEdit

"Good morning, dear. You hungry?"
Marie [src]
"Toast, Marie"
Frank [src]
Robert: "You gave me liquor?"
Marie: "Not liquor, dear. Liqueur."
Robert and Marie talking about Robert's childhood [src]

Good GirlsEdit

Debra: "That smell. You burned the popcorn again, didn't you?"
Ray: "Well, that's an easy one. Now try and guess what I spilled."
Debra and Ray [src]
Debra: "So it was just the once and then you got married?"
Frank: "It was just the once and then we HAD to get married."
Debra and Frank talking about premarital sex [src]


"It's like having Venus de Milo in right field."
Frank describing a kids T-ball game [src]

Traffic SchoolEdit

Robert: "Don't you have an outstanding moving violation, Dad?"
Frank: "I wouldn't say outstanding. It was pretty good, though."
Robert and Frank [src]
Ray: "It was nothing. I ran over one of those orange cones, that's all."
Frank: "Tell her why."
Ray: "I don't remember, Dad."
Frank: "I remember. I was there. It had something to do with a halter top."
Ray and Frank telling Debra about a traffic ticket [src]
Debra: "So you just ride around looking for naked."
Ray: "Well if it won't come to me..."
Debra and Ray [src]
"The binder's not just a guide, Debra. The binder is...binding."
Robert talking about teaching traffic school [src]

Six Feet UnderEdit

Ray: "All I need is another quarter-inch."
Gianni: "Who doesn't?"
Ray and Gianni, with Ray referring to his height [src]

The Garage SaleEdit

Marie: "I used to put Robbie in a little pink dress and dance him around the room."
Debra: "You got any pictures of that?"
Marie and Debra [src]

The Wedding: Part 1Edit

Warren: "Hello there, son-in-law."
Ray: "Hello"
Warren and Ray [src]

The Wedding: Part 2Edit

Ray: "Hey, Uncle Mel. How are you?"
Uncle Mel: "I'm good. You look like a bus toilet."
Ray and Uncle Mel [src]

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